Improving mental health... not just my own

I am one of those people who has always known what career I wanted. When I was four years old, in preschool, I came home and told my mom that, "I want to be a lady who helps kids who are sad." At the time, I didn't even know what a counselor was, but I knew that that was the job I wanted. Through school, I thought about other careers, but never seriously. I always came back to the desire to help people with their feelings. My various traumatic experiences only served to solidify my career choice because I repeatedly witnessed the power of counselors, pastors, and other helpers in action. Somehow, they ran toward pain and suffering when others were ignoring it or running in the opposite direction. How could I not want to join them?

One thing I haven't written about a lot in this journal is my job. I am a licensed counselor and I work with students who have severe emotional needs. I work within the school district (although not for the school district) to provide comprehensive mental health services to students in 4th through 8th grade. I love my job and wouldn't trade it for anything.

The pastor at my church often refers to Deer Lodge as the "valley of 'throw away' people." This area is home to the Montana State Hospital (for the mentally ill), Galen (which was once a TB sanatorium), and Montana State Prison (where Montana's worst criminals are housed.) If this place is really for "throw aways," then I definitely work with the "throw away" kids.

My kids are difficult; they are big, smelly, and loud. They use terrible language and have poor social skills. People don't like my kids because they aren't cute anymore and they are definitely a challenge to deal with. What I like most about my kids is that they are challenging. Their needs are unique and varied and I love using my creativity and compassion to help them overcome the chaos in their lives.

I hadn't given much thought to just how much losing Keller would impact my work until this recently. Several weeks ago, I was in a meeting where a mother expressed her overwhelming frustration with her son. She was angry because her son was failing his classes and making poor choices in social situations. During the meeting, this mother threw her hands up in the air, repeatedly belittled her son, and described how she has "given up on him because he is an embarrassment." I maintained my composure, because I am a professional, but inside I was seething. How could someone speak that way about their child, especially with him sitting right there? How can a parent give up on a kid who is only 14 years old? Shouldn't a parent take some responsibility for her child's difficulties and take the necessary steps to resolve them?

I also work with several students who are in the foster care system. It baffles me that there is even a need for an entire system for kids who are unwanted and abused. How is it that we live in a society where children are born to parents who don't want them, when there are a lot of great parents out there who suffer the loss of their child or experience the pain of infertility? It's probably a good thing that I don't have a lot of interaction with the birth parents of the foster kids on my caseload because I probably would not have kind words to say.

Right now, my sympathy for parents who complain about or abuse their children is really low. I am a mother without my son and I am forced to deal with a lot of mothers who don't even like their sons. They have given up on their children and are tired of being the mothers of kids who aren't cute or compliant anymore. Right now, I would give anything to have a child, even a pain in the neck fourteen year old.

My job as a counselor isn't an easy one, especially when I am dealing with my own mental and emotional challenges. As hard as it is, I can't imagine doing anything else. These "throw away" kids deserve someone who is professionally and personally invested in their well-being. They deserve someone who is in their corner, even on their worst days.

The best thing that I can do now to help my kids and their families is simply to continue helping myself. I know that all of my "self care" efforts serve more than one purpose; they allow me to improve my mental and emotional health so that I can be truly present and helpful to my clients. Being respected as a caring and compassionate mental health provider is key, not only to my job, but to my identify.

I am so lucky that God has allowed me to work in the mental health field. How incredible is it that I found my career at the age of four? Some days are definitely tougher than others, but the tough days are where I find my strength. Hopefully strength will allow me to continue to use my skills and compassion to make a difference for all sorts of "throw away" people.